I'm contemplating you again. There is so much I want to tell you, so much I want to share. A thousand things a day still happen that I want to share with you, but I don't. My friends think I'm over you... and since we walked away, I have so many new people in my life. They all think you're just a shadow in my past. But I don't think you'll ever be a shadow. I can't imagine a day when you're not vividly still on my mind, part of me.

I told her I wasn't seeking a relationship with you. And I haven't been. That's the honest truth. But that doesn't mean I don't still want you in my life in some way. Would it really be so bad to say Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, or Congratulations when celebrations come up? I want to share those happy times with you, even if we just catch up quickly and then retreat back into our own lives. Just touching your soul for a moment would mean so much.

No, you couldn't give me what I needed... and I am so proud of myself for walking away when I realized you couldn't. It really made me realize I knew how to love and take care of myself. But does that mean I'll never feel your love for me again? Is that the tradeoff?

I remember once you said that you wouldn't ever worry if we walked away from each other because you knew we'd always find our way back. Do you still believe that? Do you still see me playing some role in your future, or do you think this is it?

Contemplating you... do you ever contemplate me anymore? Or have I retreated to the shadows of your past, never to resurface? Is that where you want me? Or if I reached out would you extend a hand to touch me back?