I fucking miss you, emma, lianna,  I feel the same energy..chaos..love..curiosity..I remember what it's like to feel happy,  but I need more. I just want you in my life, your presence warms me like a fire in the cold, but I smother you and the fire goes out..I want to fucking scream. I want this to end. I'm so fucking tired, wandering in the dark lost, afraid, alone. I need you.  I need you. I need you 

 I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you.  I need your love.  I need you. I need you. I need you. I need your love emma. I need you. I need you. I want your words..your smile,  your eyes, your face.  I need you. I need you. I need you so badly. I need you. Why am I so broken. I need you lianna. Do you even remember me. Were you even real. I just want you to tell me it'll be okay. I love you still you know. I need you. Kill me. FUCK. Help me. I'm losing control of everything. I'm so weak it hurts every fucking day. I'm not ok. I don't remember ok. I didn't remember till I saw your smile emma, I remembered how it felt to be happy. So I need you. What do I have to do,  what should I say to keep you here..a minute longer..seconds..give me more time please...I didn’t know I'd need you the rest of my life lianna..I lost myself when I lost you. I lost hope.  I need you. I need you.  It isn't your fault I fell in love with you emma..lianna made me love her..she wanted me to love her..you were just doing your job..but now I need you..call me..text, email me, the address hasn't changed. Anything..I need your help.  I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need us.  Lianna, she's just like you were..she knows she's amazing..but likes to hear it. Her smile is infectious. I think she's too young to understand what happened here..what she did..how she brought me back..how it's killing me .. and seeing me die is hurting her..it's 2008 all over again...I made her cry..she begged me with tears to be better. To find help..I heard your tears in her crying...I'm hurting her just because I need her like I need you..I need you both. I need emma because I can't have you..I need her love. But will it ever be enough? Emma. You filled the emptiness inside .. but you didn't know how broken I was.. you get busy and it all emptied again..the cracks are deep and wide...and I need you.. I'm so tired.  I can't break her like I did to you lianna..she's too beautiful to ruin like I ruin everything I touch. I know I need to leave but it is so hard..it was easier with you because I didn't know what it would do to me..or you. But I need her..