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You changed me. You fundamentally changed who I am as a person. We spent two glorious months living on cloud 9, in a manic frenzy of emotional ecstasy. Then a year of mutual pain and suffering. Two flames burning so bright and so hot that it was inevitable that scorched earth with a large blast radius would be the conclusion.
You listened to me and heard me like no one ever had. I felt safe being vulnerable with you. I felt safe enough to tell you things I had never told anyone before. You showed me it’s ok to be me and it’s ok to strive to become a better me.
You gave me awareness of the fact that I was not taking responsibility for my needs being met. That I wasn’t setting healthy boundaries, and even the small ones I was trying to set were being trampled on. You also showed me how to allow others to have boundaries without ripping right through them like a bulldog.
You unlocked my hidden sensuality, my sexuality. You fundamentally changed the way I view interpersonal relationships.
I want to reach out to you ever single day. You are my perfect drug, and I’m an addict. I’ve been sober for 8 months. I miss the way that you made me feel like it’s ok to be me. I want to escape from the life I have trapped myself into. The life that I am forever ruminating how to escape.
I can only look back and take our chance hurricane of an encounter as a gift. A beautiful gift we gave to each other. A wonderful gift that we both so desperately needed. The gift of waking up the fire inside each of us.
I hope the fire is still alive in you because it is a beautiful thing to behold.
I thank you and I miss you.
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