I miss it. I miss spending time with you. I miss going on dinner dates. I miss planning dates together and surprise flowers on my desk when I wake up. At the start of the relationship, your focus was on me. You’d spend quality time with me and you were attentive. I guess people will say I miss the “Honeymoon” phase of our relationship.

Four years later, most of that is gone. What happened? I’ve been solo planning our recent dates. You were physically there but you didn’t seem to enjoy them. You’d be watching memes, texting friends, you weren’t engaged and I could tell you weren’t having fun. Hell, on one of them, I had to cancel our reservation because you weren’t in the mood for sushi. I tried to buy you flowers once only to learn you didn’t like them because “flowers just take up space and die in a few days.”

When you come home from work, you no longer ask me about my day or come to snuggle with me. Instead, you get on your computer and either watch anime or play video games with your friends and this goes on til the night. You play your games and watch your anime while I exist in the background. I like watching anime with you but can we at least cuddle? You’re often on your gaming chair while I sit on the bed. And I find it hard to enjoy your video games when you’re screaming and slamming your fist on your desk every so often. So when you’re doing your own thing, I just sit on the living room couch and do my own thing. Sure, the alone time is nice but it’s also nice to snuggle don’t you think?

You put in so much effort in organizing outings with friends. Where is that effort in our relationship? I understand that you’ve gotten comfortable but that doesn’t mean you stop putting in effort.

So now I ask, Can you buy me those flowers? Can we go out on a date? Can we cuddle? You obligue with a yes. You buy me the roses, we go out to eat, you climb into bed with me, but it doesn’t feel complete.

Having to ask takes away the authenticity of the romantic gestures. I know you’re doing what I ask and I should be happy but I know you’re only doing it because I ask you to and not because you want to.