This is beyond late but something you deserve. We were a love rollercoaster in our youth. It’s not until now I realize how young we really were and how stupid our fights were. I remember telling myself if we met at an older age and I was established with my career we would be perfect for each other. Even though it’s too late and you have your own family now I still believe that. It’s been 10 years and you still have part of me. I will never be whole or love the same way. For years I always saw your face in every date, every fun moment I had with friends I wished you were there. You cared about me way more than I deserved, You put forth a great effort to make me a better, hard working person. You were successful. I went on and worked through difficult objectives to be where I am now. I’m considered a hero to many in the city plus the country, you helped me get there after we broke up. I don’t know if you even know that. I always figured we would at least run into each other again. But you found an even better person who takes good care of you, better than I ever would have if I stayed. My jealousy of your career and wonderful personality made me bitter because I had nothing at the time. I needed to leave and go on my own adventure. I wish you were initially on board when I wanted to leave while we dated. I’d imagine we would have a family by now together.

I romanticize this stuff and think back to all the bad things I did to you. I could blame it on a lot of things but I just look at myself back then as an insecure loser, who didn’t know what he had. I thought I was hot shit and wanted to be the party animal. I’m so sorry for ever hurting you. If I stayed I never would have grown up. You would have eventually kicked me to the curb when you realized what I was. You deserved much better than me and you found out it. You’re going to be an unbelievably great mother. You’re going to exceed what you thought. You’re going to have more amazing kids. I’m proud of you for taking on that challenge that always scared you. However, I could see if it being an easy decision after marrying your husband.

Part of me wishes we found each other again. I go back in time to great experiences we had, the laughter and love. When I hugged you it was so strong and tight because you were my first love and I truly did not want to let go. You were genuinely my best friend.

I’m sorry for publicly seeing someone after we split. I was hiding the pain and so was she from her recent break up. It made sense for the both of us to hide the pain by hanging out together. It wasn’t serious. However, it seemed to look like that to you. I also think about the morning you waited for me in my living room, patiently waiting for me to come downstairs. what were you going to say to me? I wish I came down first before my sister did, I know she asked you to leave. That must have been hard for you. I tell myself all you wanted to do was tell me how much you cared, how much you loved me and we would snuggle the rest of the day and forever forward. Idk why I’m worrying this to you. I doubt you think about me anymore but I do think about you. You impacted my life more than I ever imagined. Im so fucking sorry for being such an asshole to you. I really was, im still an asshole but a better one if that makes sense haha if I had you now I wouldn’t let go. Part of me will always love you, I wish you nothing but the best.