Dear the ones that love me,

I’m sorry for all the distance I’ve let come between us. I’m sorry for disappearing and shutting out the world. I’m sorry for dealing with my pain the only way I know how. My sense of home is all sorts of fucked up. It feels broken; shattered; tainted by the thoughts of you still loving and communicating with the one who broke my heart. But mostly because I don’t blame you. I still love him too. But I can barely listen to you guys, let alone look at you, without hearing the sound of his voice; a glimpse of his face when he’s teasing me, or laughing at something I said. That’s all still too unbearable. So for now, I sit with my pain in silence. I’m sorry I can’t seem to separate the two.