I met you last Monday in chaos and ruin, in the dark, we shook hands and both laughed because we did it out of habit before forgetting we shouldnt. You let me in and led me to the downpour that was not even your home, but the home of your parents who were not planning on being there through this. You tried give us electricity, the sound of the fans made us run to shut it off and get our flash lights instead... You then led me upstairs and we were able to make a disasterious situation a little bit lighter with the conversation... You warned me of your father, of his occupation and his cameras, We exchanged numbers and set a time to meet tomorrow.

The next few days you explained again and again that your father was "extreme" you kept apologizing for his actions, for all the cameras, for the illegal facial recognition background checks, that he, in his position in life can easily abuse but you had nothing to apoligize for. It wasnt your fault, the only thing I kept thinking was this is how you grew up, how horrible to be this controled, they have hurt you, they have damaged you and your siblings badly enough that it is unable to be hidden even though you are all adults, the way you are so silent while moving through the house, the way you will not touch a thing. The way your voice shakes when speaking, the no eye contact, the true fear when your phone rings... Its haunting. It makes me sad for you and your siblings, it makes my heart ache to glimpse into the hell that was your upbringing. He broke your soul when you were very young. I See it when you finally do look me in the eyes. Your eyes hold so much pain.

i really just wanted you to know that the little glimpses of the true you that I had the pleasure of seeing, of meeting, they were beautiful. The smile you had when I introduced myself to your son, the pride within you when i let you know you were doing such a good job raising him. The light in your eyes as I asked you about the horses you used to own. The understanding we found within one another when talking about buying land in the middle of nowhere. The excitement you had when i showed you my new truck. You are so beautiful. You have the most beautiful soul, even after it has been so broken, i just wanted to comfort you, to soothe your soul, i wanted to take you away from the place that caused you so much hurt so i can see the best parts of you in full light, with no shadows surrounding you. I want to protect you from the hell you are still forced to deal with

Today was the last day we had any reason to speak. It has been just a day more than a week which is why I wont send this to you, but you left an imprint on me, and maybe we will get to walk by the brooks without the cameras or the phone calls and maybe I will get a chance to soothe that sad and broken beautiful soul.