I keep trying to forget about you. How you left, disrespected me, us, our relationship (which clearly was only mine) I truly gave you everything and I have to keep asking "how was I not enough" "where did I go wrong?" I gave you my all, and somehow that wasnt enough. I'm sitting here drunk by a fire venting again. Wishing that the person I fell in love with was still here. Not what ever good-digging, cheating thing you turned into. I see you in my dreams still. A year later. That person is there not you. But u still haunt my every move. I saw you the other week... you were no more than 10 yards in front of me. Multiple times. You know that? You didnt notice, thankfully. You were taking a pic of your niece. Then you went under the gazebo. I turned around and got lost so I didnt have to see you.

I cant give you the satisfaction of destroying me. But I have to focus so hard on not falling apart for fear of letting you win. I fight every day. Every dream. Every. Little. Thing.

I've turned hatred, stress, even fear into motivation.

Yet I still wonder. You knew I've been cheated on many times. Yet you still did it. Why? Pleasure? Hate? Why while you were with me even? Laying next to me? I'll never understand. I got to accept that but it's hard. And I sincerely hope what you're due will come to you.

And I'll let this fire die again.