I'm writing posting this here so I don't send this to you. Well you did it. You nuked the site from orbit. The mess you left this apartment in when you left..that anger filled letter..wtf..I know I didn't give you the space you needed when you needed it. I was trying desperately to keep you here. I meant it in December when I said I loved you more now than ever before. My anger only lasted a day. Then came the deep, hollow ache. I still want you. I still miss you every moment of every day. Things were never that bad until you pushed me off the edge. Towards the end you did some shitty, immature things to me that showed a lack of respect. I was never ever bad to you. Yes we should have done all the things we talked about. No I shouldn't have been an ass on Christmas Eve..but all I wanted was for you to seem like you wanted me to not be so withdrawn. I was hurting. For 3 years I suffered and it kept getting worse. When I reached out to you, you made it all about you. Same with the night before your birthday. You know I'm allowed to not be okay too right? I know you weren't okay. You hadn't been in a while and we weren't communicating. No matter how many times I told you we didn't need to move again you never believed me. The only reason I was entertaining it was so we could buy a HOUSE. Not live in a condo forever. But I love it down here. You accused me of things your ex did. I didn't do those things. You never talked to me for any context. All we needed to do was put in a bit of effort and 7 years of happiness would have continued. Gotten better. We would have grown together. You say this isn't the first time we've fallen apart..well the first time we were barely together and you cheated on me. The second time you acted just like you had been this time and then cheated on me..again..but that was 6 years ago. You could never make a decision and rarely wanted to do anything, yet you blame that on me. I tried to help you when you were burnt out and financially stressed. I've always been there for you. We worked together so well. Yes we had ups and downs..that's normal. But your mental health kept getting worse and you started acting kind of immature and totally different from normal. Every moment I wasn't at work I devoted to you. I put out most of my money so you didn't have to. You have to remember..I had ptsd. I didn't have the brain power to process other things. I wasn't enjoying things I normally enjoy. I was facing my demons. I got help, in fact I did everything you asked of me. Immediately. Because I always did whatever I could for you. 7 years as best friends and partners. I was behind you 110% in everything you wanted to do. I pushed you to pursue hobbies and do things on your own. I drove you to and from work and grocery shopped for you. Made sure you were fed and happy every day. You couldn't even tell me you were moving out. You seem to be making me out to be a villian I'm not. It still matters to me. You still matter to me. I never "steamrolled" you. I'd have never made a decision you weren't on board with. We were happy. So happy. The moment things are a little rough, you ran away. I deserved more than that. We deserved more than that. And even though I shouldn't, I still miss talking to you all the time. Touching you. Waking up next to you. I miss you M. And I still want you just as bad as I always did.