To my ex-girlfriend,

It's been 134 days, I've lost everything. You've destroyed me in every way you could without a way for me to fire back.
You've thrown me into walls, punched me, slapped me. But the minute I try to leave you to do nothing but a lie, and do everything in your favor to destroy my life. The anger is still there, and it's just turned into sadness, sadness turned into guilt that I even tried to leave instead of letting you hit me. From the day I left, I know I would still love you, and to that, I still hold true. [redacted], I still love you, I am trying to move on but it's hard.
My first thoughts of suicide you did nothing but scream at me, and tell me if I was serious I actually would have done it.
That came, thankfully I failed, but 60 sleeping pills and a couple mikes hard lemonades left me with nothing but regret, there is still a thought that I wish it would have worked. I can't stop thinking about you and that's why I did it. And I still can't get the fucking thought of you out of my god damn fucking head. I feel like I'm going insane from this, I've tried it all, moving on, avoiding parts of town, taking my own life. Nothing has worked.

the only thing it's created is sadness, pain, a hoarse voice, and more mental problems for me.

We spent almost 2 years together, and I loved you and cared for you every step of the way. You helped me out of foster care, supported us financially when I couldn't hold a job because of my dumbass ways. We had cats together for christ sakes. Hell, I gave you my all, and you did nothing but spit in my face. And I still, and always would have stuck by your side even though that, but the minute you started trying to ruin me farther I had to go.

[Redacted], I still love you, and I don't know when it's going to stop. These burning pains in my chest won't stop, I know there's something deep down that cries for you, I don't care what it takes anymore. I just want to be with you but I know it's not for the best. I wish it was, just imagine you and me, our cats, and the home we had.

I still remember the time you drove me back to the foster home I was in at the time, I wanted to listen to some music but you were so scared to show me what you actually listened to. That CD you had on your stereo will always played a song that will always be with me. That was Fast Car by Tracy Chapman, the first time we held hands was to that song.

From there, you did nothing but fuse your taste in music with my own, showing me bands like Neutral Milk Hotel, Tigers Jaw (I'm listening to them right now actually), Gregory Alan Isakov, Neck Deep, Bon Iver, The Paper Kites, Never Shout Never, Benjamin Francis Leftwich, and other amazing bands, that do nothing but cause me pain to listen to now.

And I, did the same for you. Those were some of the most important memories of our time together, bonding over something that meant the world to me, and that was music.

Time will heal my wounds, for now, I can do nothing but give my current girlfriend my all. Give her everything I couldn't do for you, and make her feel wanted, loved, and cared for. Our relation taught me a lot, but the most important thing it taught me was don't be afraid to run, don't be afraid to leave. I cared for you so much and I shouldn't of let it get to that point, I should have left when it first started getting bad.

I just want you to be happy, even it's not with me.

To my current girlfriend,

You must be so confused, I am your first serious relationship and I know you are probably scared, thinking I'll always be like this. I am healing, and I hope you know this. When [Redacted] told you I tried took those pills I can understand how scared you felt, not knowing the reason why. When you found out it must of been worse, I can't imagine being with someone who tries to do such an act over an ex..

I'm sorry, but please, remember that I will show you and give you so much better than what she gave me, and I will do anything in my path (to a point of healthy) to serve you and give you my all. [Redacted] I hope one day I will find my way to love you, and for you, the same.