The worst part about writing this is knowing you'll never see it. The fact is we were happy and so madly in love. We did everything together, and always made each other smile and laugh. You once told me you never loved someone like you loved me and I felt the same way about you. I couldn't put my finger on it, but you were (still are) so special to me.

I guess I'm partly to blame. I was angry with you. Only one week after I graduated military basic training you tell me you want to go active duty. Which means I needed to decide whether I'd marry you or not. You told me you'd give me time to think it over. And I did. I was going to say yes. And then you pulled the plug. You no longer wanted to consider marriage. You said we were too young, and you were probably right. But you got my hopes up for a future I was imagining with you, and it hurt.

You hinted you'd visit me at my training base, but you never came.. I knew it wasn't your fault, but that was a second let down for me that hurt me deeply.

When I came back home you didn't hold me like you used to. It felt like I was disappointing you somehow when all I wanted was to make you feel loved and feel loved back. I planned vacations for us to try to add some adventure into our lives and make you happy with me again. And things would be amazing for a week or so. And then it'd start to fade again.

I started to distance myself because I felt like you weren't into me like you used to be. I'd cry a lot because of stress and feeling like I wasn't enough for you. You were always hurt that I was crying and fights always came soon after.

The day you finally called it quits hurt so much. You said you loved me more than anything. You said kind, romantic things I wish you would have said when we were together. You were never good at expressing your emotions, though. You say you're still there for me if I ever need anything, but there's no point in staying together since you're going to go active and leave me anyways..

Looking back now, that's probably what drove us apart. That sense of in pending doom that you were going to go active and leave me. I guess our relationship was over the moment I graduated basic and you gave me that news.

I'm still going to carry our good memories, though. I still have every love letter you wrote me while I was in basic.. (along with the memes). I hope your military career is everything you hope it will be. You will always have a place in my heart.

~ L