Every time I think about the ways I want to be a better person, I think of you. You had this incredible softness to you and I always think of how kind you are. I think of your love of animals and dedication to doing what's right. I always admired your empathy.

If only I could have shown it back then.

You held on and gave me hope for as long as you could. You gave me some of the pieces to the puzzle of who I am; the time we spent together helped me figure out things that I wanted and other things I didn't want. That time informed who I became in so many ways. I wish I could show you.

I hope that you got some positive things from me, too...not just the trauma and the pain.

I hope that when you're in your darkest moments, you remember my relentless optimism. I hope that my chaotic tumbling through life and way of (usually) landing on my feet helps you navigate some chaotic mess in your life.

I hope that something I said or did helps you get through to the other side of some deep darkness one day. I hope you understand how much of a difference you made and continue to make in my life, even though we haven't talked in years.

I hope that both of us grew because of the other.