Yea I'm not imagining it. The tension between us. I'm also not touching it.

You seem really fucking cool and a lot more mature than your actual age as it was pointed out. Again, I didn't mean any disrespect, your not some decrepit old lady. Lol.

I won't touch it though. Because I live in my van. Which was/is a big part of why I wanted to leave early tonight. If I didn't I wouldn't have had money for gas or smokes or food. But it's a double edged sword because I did want to stay. I can't elaborate any of this in person to you. Atleast not yet, it's like you keep saying, I don't know you like that.

Which brings me back to, I won't touch it. I'm also working on my sobriety. Wouldn't you know it, the clock struck thirty days a few minutes ago. It's progress. It took a long time for me to get where I'm at and even though it seems so much like the bottom in terms of financial shit, and depression and loneliness. It is pushing me to see the real things in life. How much of what is truly important. Relationships are, but I think I always put so much stock, perhaps, too much stock into people. Other people, while not enough into myself. I didn't believe in myself in a lot of things like I should or could have. But that is changing. I'm doing things I didn't think I could survive. Anyways, lastly I must point out, I am still letting go of a serious chapter in terms of "relationships". She is and will forever remain an important part of my life and history and I'll never forget the memories. Which leaves me with the constant feeling, I truly don't want to open up to anyone personally again. I never want to let someone in like that again.

It's better to put it here, in the void. In the real world, Nobody is listening anywho.

I hope we can figure a way to work out this thing between us though, so that we may actually work well together, cause I mean I like my job. I'm sorry I didn't go with you the other night, I think it for the best though.