All I ever tried to do was love you and I got crucified for it. You’ve been the only thing on my mind for nearly three years. The moment i wake up you’re the first thing I think of. I didn’t do anything to deserve to feel so fucking worthless and broken. When I finally got the chance to say what I had kept bottled up for 2 years I poured my heart out and you barely took seconds out of your day to write “sorry”. I guess you are going to choose every other guy over me. I had your back when nobody else did and you chose them instead. I wanted intimacy and a real relationship even if we knew it wasn’t forever and all I got was more pain. I can see your new posts and captions but it’s fucking destroying me every time I read them. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when trying to sleep at night isn’t possible with you being the only thing on my mind. I just want to hold you. That smile you gave me that first morning haunts me. I’ve been waking up in panic sweats dreaming about you for years and you won’t even tell me the truth or explain what happened. The year gap without contact killed me but I tried to move on. I met some other women but none of them are you. Nobody else comes close to how incredible I think you are. But now I know you were with someone else the entire time. But that fell apart and they hurt you just like I said, didn’t they? Then you came back to me and tried to play more games. All of October felt like you dropped a bomb on me again. You should have been with me. We could have been together this entire time. Are you embarrassed of me? Is that it? Other people seeing us together and judging kept you from me? You told me you wanted me and then switched personalities over night and made me incredibly confused. I’ve just had to rethink every situation and interaction we’ve had over and over again wanting to do it all over. I need a do over. I didn’t get a real chance I just got manipulated and lied to until my mental health burned to the ground. Is this what you do? You unexpectedly come into peoples lives and rip everything to pieces and then leave without even a word? You said I was making up things in my head but I can see you’re still in contact with those guys I “wasn’t supposed to worry about” or something right? Don’t surround yourself with fake friends and then post #jesushasmyback while I’m the one that’s had your back. I’m the one that’s tried to be there for anything you needed. I’m the one that kept my mouth shut while you went around lying about me. When you told me you were sick I almost gathered things from the store you might need so you wouldn’t have to worry about anything but I knew you would never tell me where you are to bring it to you, So I just kept checking in on you instead. You don’t even know me because you never tried, you just lied. What am I supposed to do now? I love you and I don’t care if you think I’m a fool for saying it. It’s the only way to describe how I feel about you. Just you being around me was the closest thing I’ve had to happiness in a long time. You can get in bed with your new best friends you’ve known for 5 minutes but I know I’m in the back of your mind now. All you’ve done is hurt me and for some reason I’m still trying to be the guy you can come back to. I’d spoil you if I could. You’ve been praying a lot? Maybe the sign from god you’ve been praying for was the chance I got to see you the other week. Even if short seeing you made me happy. You know how to contact me. I’ve never been one to pray but you’re the only thing I pray for. Everything else has fallen apart and there’s nothing left to do but pray. 💔 I don’t want to cause you more pain. I want to support you and see you happy. I just wish I could be apart of that. When you’re awake at 2 am and can’t sleep just remember I’m awake too and I wish you would reach out.