I'm listening to all your favorite Taylor Swift songs and then some.

All the girls you loved before played. I remembered how you told me this was your song for me. How I chuckled and said "Why that song?" And then my heart melted, my smile wide ear to ear, and my eyes glistening to what you said. You thanked all of them for leading me to you. How much I loved you, how sweet I am to you and how I show how much I care about you.

I had that song on repeat for countless of times. My tears running down my cheeks, out of breath, my heart strings cling on, just not to let my heart break. I miss you so much, I miss us so much. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you. I'm terrified of all the places where you're not, they became little hells where I suffocate. They become shards of poems silently screaming your absence. How you act like a shine of light at my side, became opaque when you left, even my dreams are stained with horror.

I keep asking myself how can such a small person manage to leave a scent at every corner of my world. You're not just a passing moment, you're not just a scene. You've left your mark on me, like you're the whole fucking movie. I mean who's gonna stop me from waltzing back into rekindled flames? When even my own body and soul yearns for you. My heart, begging my mind not to forget you, not to erase you from the deepest depths of its own void.

You're the love of my life. You. Are. The. Love. Of. My. Life.

I uttered those words with truth, all those promises with you weren't half baked. I still continue to rally for you, wish you happiness, and support you. Yet Every flowershop I see, I always look for your favorite flowers, that beautiful yellow tulips. I won't even know your favorite color when you hadn't tell me, yet you guessed mine on the first try. Oh how I wish I was right beside you right now, and its true, that I'll love you longer now than when we were together.

Yet, what is love? I keep asking myself that, because why can't I unlove you? Why can't I move on? I've been on dates, I've talked to people, but all I do is to try to find you in them. Now all I think of love is grief, love that I can't give to anyone else but you.