Our breakup was an epic plane crash. Much like light can be stripped down to all colors our love was stripped down to all base emotion. I was thoroughly destroyed and defeated.

I didn't have the luxury of your insight or even a black box to help me find out what caused it all to end so horribly. All I had was my memories. So for years I've been dissecting every memory I have of you.

I doubt you would believe me but I'm confident it's true. What you call love isn't the same as what others feel, or at least not what I feel. I do believe you meant it when you said you loved me, but what you feel is watered down. It's diluted at best. It's why you've been able to walk away from people you love so easily. It also means you don't get nearly as much joy from their company as you should.

You don't cherish your loved ones. From your father to your mother to your first husband to me. We are all disposable. When a person truly falls in love that person mixes in with who we are to the point that they become a part of us. We share joys and pains. You can't effect one with out the other. Severing them from you would be far worse than severing a limb.

I'm glad in some odd way you didn't have to go through what I did when you left. Not many deserve that type of torment. I'm also sad knowing the whole time we were together we were never once on the same page. That we just assumed we knew what the other felt.

Worst of all I realized that it's very likely you will live your whole life with out experiencing a fraction of the joy you blessed me with for many years. The price was more than I thought I was able to endure, and I lost pieces of myself in the process, but I still came out ahead. I still owe you thanks for what you gave me.

In the end I feel a little bit of so many different emotions, and there is so many things I wish I could've done. Just know among those is a feeling of guilt that I couldn't show you but a small fraction of the pure joy you gave me. I hope one day you get experience it. It will change your life, and may it never part ways with you.

Love always, Kyle