You know, I made it so easy for you.

Our friend kept me posted about everything over the past year. He even told me you admitted to missing me. That's when i said to myself okay, let's try and reconnect

I didn't spend the past year listening because I didn't give a crap. I did, I wanted to reconnect. Hell, I never wanted to disconnect in the first place.

I told you:

I can not be the person to rescue you. That's a lot of pressure to put on anyone's shoulders, and nobody wants to be the backup option. I'm open to all possibilities, but it's up to you to make that happen. Instead, here is the dynamic i am most comfortable with in the meantime. Here's what I can do, here is what I offer

I told you what I was comfortable with, and I made it even easier for you by telling you:

this is what I like. This is the kind of human being I am, this is why I like this. That was me leaving the door wide open for you to step through.

This time last year, you kicked the door down and marched on in, and I can't even begin to describe how much I enjoyed that. The qualities you presented last year are the qualities that I find attractive in a partner. When we reconnected, I wanted to connect with that person.

I have no idea what happened, but when we reconnected, I realized very fast that you are not even remotely close to the person you presented me with last year. I tried to rekindle that spark, and I tried to navigate my way to getting us to pick up exactly where we left off. The conversation felt off, and the dynamic changed because I didn't feel like I was speaking to the same person at all. You were someone else. It felt like talking to a really, really shy virgin that's scared of everything and everybody. What happened to that confidence you so boldly showed me last year?

You did everything humanly possible to direct me elsewhere. You did not toe the line. You did not step through the door. I left wide open for you.

Speaking metaphorically? You did not step through. You didn't even try. You went to the window to talk to me. I directed you back to the door, and you went to another window. I cut a damn hole on the wall next to the window you were at. You went to a 2nd floor window instead.

You distanced yourself further and further away.

I realize time was also an issue. Which is why I left the door open for you. We could still connect digitally and have fun with it. But you kept redirecting the conversation towards feelings Instead.

I told you exactly what kind of dynamic I was most comfortable with. Given your situation, I would have to follow rule 5 until you figured things out.

(Rule 5. Love will get you killed, keep them at arms reach). So feelings were the LAST thing I wanted to talk about. Despite my best efforts to guide you to the open door, you were directing me to the airport on a plane heading to Timbucktoo.

I'm unsure if the person you were last year was a mask or not. Either way, who you were last year was who I was attracted to and cared about. Whoever you are this year is the polar opposite of that.

I'm getting up there in age. I don't have time to wait. I can't put time, energy, and resources into something that has a 15% chance of surviving. This is why I made it easy for you to try and accept the dynamic I was comfortable with.

All you had to do was be that person you were last year and step right through the door.

But, I guess you were just playing a character.

Do yourself a favor next time. Dont wear a mask. Just be yourself.

That way, you won't end up disappointed when you try to reconnect with someone.

For myself, I'm left very frustrated asking myself:

were you even that person to begin with? Or were you just playing a character to get what you wanted?

It's very frustrating for me. Confidence, boldness, openness, and adventurous were the qualities you showed me than.

This time around? Fear, nerves, anxiety, indecision. You pushed and pushed and pushed until I just let you. Mixed messages, mixed signals. You left me with the impression that reconnecting is not what you wanted at all. What happened last year was the furthest thing from your mind. You had zero desire to even speak to me.

How did you answer my question.

I've always wanted you. I never stopped wanting you

Okay, that's a good answer. I like and appreciate that!

sorry, I didn't mean it. Can we save your question for another time?

Wtf? Ugh, nope. Not this time. I don't have the time or patience for all of this indecision. You're in, or you're out. All the back and forth was frustrating.

So, I ask myself.

What was the point than?

We were just two magnets that suddenly reversed polarity, I guess.

Whatever

I have to put my focus somewhere that will actually bear fruit. Why sow poisonous fruit in someone else's yard? That's why I left it up to you.