I can feel myself slipping backwards. Back into the cave that I came crawling out of. I can feel the clutches of my old life coming back to grip me. I’m trying to not succumb. I’m trying my best to have a happy day.

It’s just hard to have a happy day without you around. Well. Around like you used to be. Now I struggle with whether I should tell you good morning or good night. Do you understand how much I enjoy doing that?? How much of a struggle it is to not do so??

I wish I could talk to you still. But I’m not going to. I’m not starting a conversation like that anymore. Because I’m not starting a fight. I’m done fighting with you. I’m done fighting with anyone.

So I slip back into the cave that I came out of. And embrace being the lonely person that I’m used to being. But damn did you make me not feel lonely. You made me feel so wanted. Like I was enjoyable to be around.

But now I’ve lost all of those feelings. I’m ok with being by myself. It sucks. But it’s what I’m used to.