hi dad, bye dad

thats all my brain came up with at the end. all my feelings what they decided to say was:

hi dad, bye dad.

no fuck you. no rant or trauma dump. no anger. no love. maybe both. meshed together. today i woke up, remembered the fear of dying, the death threats, you strangling me.

me saying: i cant breathe

you asking mom: she says she cant breathe?

mom from downstairs with 911 on the phone replying: if she can talk, she can breathe

then i lost consciousness, i woke up face down seeing my blood seep into the carper. almost a broken nose. you held me on a lock, your knee pressed hard against my lower back and you were not soft.

and today my lower back is killing me.

so: hi dad, bye dad.