Randomly I hear the verse from hurt-Johnny cash where he says if I could start again a million miles away I would keep myself, I would find a way. Reminds me of us.

I had a gut wrenching realization earlier today that put me in the most depressed heart to stomach dropping feeling mood I’ve ever had… you don’t love me.

There’s no convincing me otherwise, you’ve already convinced me you don’t. You simply just don’t any more. When did you know? Was it when you looked at me at braums parking lot said youde never talk to her ever again in life…Then did? Was it when you held my face in my bedroom and told me god face you a gift with me why would you ever destroy a gift from god…. Then started the destruction? Or was it when you dropped me back at my roommates in February with no intention of getting me the next day…just kept driving…right to her. I’m so sad and so hurt and wish we could have kept ourselves how we were last summer. I had never been so in love or felt so loved. All the calls until you feel asleep and staying in until morning….telling me I had the most beautiful body you had ever seen….i believed you too. You had my head held high no one could have said a negative thing about me that I would have even questioned my beauty…

Now….

Now I know you don’t love me…I don’t even think you LIKE me. I crave for you to be someone you once were that you just aren’t any more. Will never be again. It hurts. I’ll miss it. I’ll never feel that way again. I will always love you. But after today it will never be like I did last summer. My love gets diluted every day. And at this point I hope it gets so diluted it simply doesn’t exist anymore one day. I no longer wish to love you. I lost the love I loved the most.

I just wanted you to want me but you don’t.