I just thought I’d put that out into the universe. And a part of me doesn’t wanna wake up, while apart of me hopes it’s Deja vu. But when I’m there, in that moment I feel so at peace. And that’s what you always brought me. The only person that ever has. Where I didn’t feel like I was too affectionate, or too talkative, or too much of a burden. You made me feel like I was home. And maybe it was a lesson, maybe we had to meet at the wrong time, maybe it was just another page in the book of life. But god I just wish it had been forever. If I knew the last time I got to tell you I love you was the last, I would’ve said it with my soul. If I knew the last time I’d see your eyes look at me the way they always did, I wouldn’t have blinked. If I knew that was the last time we’d touch, I’d have held tighter.

We always joked that it rained every time we hung out because together we were too powerful together that mother nature herself couldn’t take it. I wonder now if she was mourning because she knew we wouldn’t make it. Two beautiful souls meant to reach for each other, but only to fall back again. What a tragedy. And the, well sad part is, somehow I still have hope that I’ll get a proper goodbye. Or maybe a hello again, but it’s just hope.

I don’t know that I deserved you, I don’t know that I deserve anyone. I don’t know that I’ll make it through this year, I feel like I really don’t know anything anymore. Wildly because when I was with you I knew it was exactly where I wanted to be. I guess the only thing I know, is that I truly loved you. I’d like to think you truly loved me. And I don’t know what compelled me to write this out at 4am, 9 months later but I just thought I’d let you know some how some way through the ether. I miss you my little muse, and until then I’ll see you in dreamland.