I'm sorry James, sorry I came into your life. Sorry that I ruined it for you and made an ass out of myself when you left. It hurt, and in the hurt I made it worse for both of us. There's not a day goes by that I don't think of how I could have done better. How I could have made more of an effort in ways, and how I could've gotten a better hold on my addictions. I miss talking to you, how you'd talk my ear off, how you'd fill my mind with pleasant thoughts and plans for the future, instead of the horrible void I deal with over my past. The thing I miss most is how you filled my life with the sweetest music. I don't expect you to unblock me or ever reach out again but I actually pray that I'm wrong n maybe one day we can actually have good conversation again. I pray to once again hear your music. Even the songs I caused in my ineptitude as a lover. If you remember how I was when I couldn't find a song, I'm like that now only for your songs and they haunt me because I know I can only ever listen to "heart beats slow".