I don't know if I'm having a rough time because of life or if I'm just not meant for going it alone anymore. I've bounced back and kept going so many times despite such unfathomable odds but I just can't quite figure it out ya know? When you're around I wanna keep trying to win, I want to be better but when it's just me I don't think I can keep giving a shit wether I make it or not. You are someone in particular but you could be anyone in theory. For conversation sake anyway that is. Trust me you're more than just anyone but I'm making a point here.

Are some of us just better off with someone on our team? To keep us from floundering due to judgement and shame? To give us something to impress and endear? To share this experience of shared trauma called life with so we can both feel something that's more important ?

Fuck if I know. I do miss you and you're not even gone that's exactly how I know I'm in trouble. For now I'm gonna try to shake it off and keep myself from self destructing on my own because I like having you as a friend ALOT. You give me something to smile about and fight for even if I can't fight for you openly I'll still do what I can behind the scenes to be something that always helps make your life grow and thrive in all the best ways. I'll be supportive and kind of dick as long as it keeps making you laugh and gives you reasons to pick on me like you do. When 1.6 drops I'm looking forward to getting lost in the valley all over again with you. Maybe then we will be in a better place for each other because I know this isn't just a me thing, you feel it too. You're just cautious because you're smarter than I am and I look up to you for that.

Or maybe the timing will always be a shit show, again. Fuck if know I'm just glad to know you and grateful for another chance to keep you around until we're old and cute as fuck getting tattoos and working jobs from home together doing something involving python in between painting and me cooking you dinner despite you saying it's annoying to do. I disagree and you're not my dad so shut up nerd.