It's been almost two years and I think about you all the time. I still try to come up with sceneros where we can be together again. It still feels like so many emotions thrashing around in my ribcage that it causes me physical pain.

It has gotten easier tho. I have learned a lot. I can see alot of the things I couldn't before. I understand alot more of what happened in the end.

One of the things I didn't realize beofre is you started the separation months before you left me. You wept for us. Your heart mourned our break up. You went through much of the same hell I did. You just did it while we were still together. I have to apologize for that. I should have noticed.

I did notice that we were growing apart and I did everyhing I could to save us. I just really never accepted the fact we were beyond saving. I still have problems with that.

I can't imagine what caused it to happen. I have so few clues to go on. I wish you would have been honest with me. I know I kept a secret but only one. Other than that I was always so honest on how I felt.

I was dedicated to you. I still am. I still love you so much. I try to understand your actions. I try to protect the image of you on my mind.

The hard truth is you were already over me when you left. You had little reason to show me any respect or to be delicate with me. You were never one to sugar coat things.

When you left me things went sideways and turned out brutal for me. You didn't intend for it to happen that way, but you didn't do anything about it. You cut your losses and moved on. From your point of view, It was ugly and messy but it was over.

What you failed to remember was how much I loved you. The way things happened were traumatizing for me. Very much so. I lost the love of my life and my best friend within a 48 hour period. No warning and no contact allowed afterwards.

You've wounded me more than I think you can understand. It effected my ability to enjoy life. It left me alone with all that pain. No friends to talk to. No one to help me. No one to hug me.

These were all things you had me for. It's not fair that you didn't grant me the same. Alot in life isn't fair. I realize that there are winners and losers. I never realized how little power we have over it. You can do everyhing right and be a loser. Everyday an asshole somewhere enjoys a beautiful life he doesn't deserve while an honest to God, good, hard working person is pushed further into the abyss.

I miss you but I realize that you don't love me. My well being hasn't been your concern for a long time. I will only find pain in your words if we ever meet again, and yet I can't help but wish I get to see you one last time before I go to sleep every night.

I guess what really troubles me in the end is all I wanted was to be happy. I never asked for much. I wasn't afraid to work hard to earn it. I wasnt afraid to work hard to keep it. It looks like now I'll never get what I wanted and I still cant figure out why. Why did you decide we were done to begin with.