Sometimes, I think I hold on to the thought of you...because of stress.

The longing isn't even that bad, it's enjoyable. It gives me an outlet to explore my inner world, discover new things, and radically change myself. I thank you for that. You are my male muse. I know nothing will come of this. I know you are not brave enough to pursue me even if you want to. So, we keep watching each other online...like strangers. Even though, we've known each other in real life since we were kids. It's such an illusion, and at times, it feels like a competition of ignoring one another...just like we did before. Always in orbit, never aligned. Parallel. We were always across. So much passion, tension, undoing. And yet, I remember when you lived down the street from me. Ugh, what a thing. So close.