I hope you had an exciting fun birthday. I like birthdays. I feel extra special when people greet me and send me their well-wishes. Hope you did get those, too.

You know, you made me realize many things about life and myself. Because of you, I realize that being too nice can be bad. People might consider me a pushover and use me, and I have to choose which side I want to be.

Because of you, I realize that it's possible to find someone who would understand me and accept me for who I am. I can be too much, yes, but it's just the way I am and it's not my problem that the other person cannot handle me.

Because of you, I realize that I deserve better things, that I am worthy.

I don't know what this message is for. Maybe I just want to say that I appreciate you, and to be honest, I felt like the few weekends we were together were so special. I want to remember them how they were, exactly how they were.. how we just cuddled in the morning for hours, how you followed me with your butt or hand when I moved to the other side of the bed, how you let me try your food, how you held my chin in public when I suddenly kept quiet, how you offered your arms when we walked, or how we held hands in bed without saying anything. All of these.

It's a shame that they will only be memories, but I am glad that they happened. We live different lives, and we prefer different things.

You are wonderful, R. You are one nerdy, brain-stimulating, perverted, weirdly funny, loving, honest, yummy man. I like myself better when I was with you.

If you see this message, please don't reply. I know what we have gotten into, don't worry. It was great, and I want to keep it that way.

I am just right here.