Dear M,

I want to start off this letter by saying I am so so so so happy that I met you. Really. Like so fucking happy. I don’t know how to express the way you make me feel. You make me feel like a crazed fool. Completely obsessed at times. Seriously. It’s been 5 months since we’ve met. I still think about you every damn day. The moment I wake up, I think about you, the moment before I go to bed, I think about you. When I wake up at night, I think about you.

You have me hooked. You cast a spell on me. A deep powerful magic spell.

That’s the idealist J. speaking. The dreamer, the romantic, the lover. Now, it’s the realist J. that’s speaking. Sometimes, I wish you would communicate with me a little better. I know you have a lot going on in your life. Way more than a spoiled rich boy like me could ever understand but a short message, a little voice note would reaffirm me a lot. A real lot. I don’t blame you though.

This is the sorry J. speaking. I am sorry but I do feel a tinge of jealousy. Especially this Arabic client of yours. I feel afraid. I feel like I am unable to give you the luxuries that you deserve. I can’t bring you to those hotels. I can’t spend on those luxurious dinners. What I can give you is all my heart. I can give you what I promised a while ago that I would give to my lover, if I found her. I promise you that you’ll have my kindness, commitment, loyalty, honesty and a heap of patience.

Patience is exactly what I am giving you right now. I wish you would just reassure me again. I know you told me that I am very different. I am not your customer any more. I know you love me. I really do but sometimes I still get scared that you might leave me for someone richer. I know it’s silly of me to think that way.

Because I am so enthralled, so mesmerised, I feel like a little boy that’s so afraid of losing his rose. There may be thousands of roses out there, but Maya, you’re the rose I chose. That’s why I am so afraid of losing you. That’s where my ugly jealousy comes from.

However, I knew what I signed up for. I am not going to give up. I know jealousy and anxiety are great partners. I know they can be conquered. When I told you “I love you” I knew the difficulties that lay ahead. I know how much weight these three words carry. I know how special I am to you. If I wasn’t special, you wouldn’t bother trying your best to communicate with me despite your poor communication habits.

I really appreciate you making the effort. I trust that you will stay by side no matter who you meet. You may become friends with them, they can shower you with luxuries but you’ll still love me. I believe in the rose that I chose. I love you, Maya.

Your love, J.