It was never going to work, I knew that from the start. We were both desperate in our own ways and latched on to each other like a dying man clings to hope, but I was the last to let go. I got over it pretty quickly after you left, you know how I am, but I will always be thankful for you. You forced me to change.

When you asked me out, I honestly didn't want to bother with it. You were too far away, unstable in so many ways, and I couldn't afford a decent date to begin with. But I still said yes, it had been nearing 7 years since my last date and I was feeling desperate for affection. What a whirlwind it was. 6 months of driving 2 hours down to see you every second weekend just spend a few hours with you, only to turn right back around because I had work the next day. I would stay awake for days on end because I worked so much, but I wanted to keep talking to you through the day. We fell so hard. I was a guy who didn't tear you down, who wanted you to keep improving yourself, and I got all I needed. Someone who loved me. But when you moved in, the veneer was stripped away.

You knew I worked a lot, but you didn't know just how much that was. It was my shop. 14 hours a day, 6 days a week. The stress couldn't even leave me alone at home. It was the albatross around our neck. In the beginning, when I saw you rarely, it was like a dessert. But dessert all the time just becomes routine doesn't it? I was never very open with my feelings to begin with, but hard days made me close off even more. A slow day at the shop made me snappy. But then Covid hit. I struggled hard. I thought I was keeping it together, but I was getting colder and colder. I still loved you just the same, but there was a rift growing. I didn't see it until it was too late, I had grown comfortable with you. You started looking elsewhere. I know communication was never our strong suit with each other, but instead of even trying to talk to me you always sought comfort from strangers online. You craved that new relationship feel all the time, while I was content with the comfort of sharing a home. It couldn't last.

When you told me you were leaving, I wasn't surprised. I had found your messages to him that morning. We hadn't touched each other in months, hadn't had a friendly conversation in a week. What hit me hardest was why. I was different. I was always on edge. I always had a mean, but good natured sense of humor but you felt the jokes started to have some spite behind them. Looking back I think you were right. I called the shop our albatross, and there is truth to that. When I shut down for the peak of Covid our relationship flourished, but when I opened back up I had to double down. Money was so hard to come by and you couldn't be bothered to look for better employment yourself. You couldn't even drive, so that made it a near impossibility anyway. But I can't completely blame the shop. I became distant from you, not the shop. I had it in my head you would just be there.

You left and in that empty house I had time to reflect. I was always nauseatingly introspective, when did I stop thinking about how I was behaving? I never hit you, I never tore you to shreds verbally, but my body language and closing off still hurt you. I will always be sorry for that, and I will always be sorry you didn't get to experience the person I became after you left. A month after you were gone, I closed the shop. Three months after that I got a great job. While I wasn't working, I worked on myself. Without having to carry the cross on my back that was the shop anymore, I truly felt free again. I didn't realize how much of a burden it truly was, how much I missed out on, how mean spirited I became. How much I had stopped laughing. Now it's been exactly a year since you left, and for the first time I feel like I'm thriving. I'm buying a car, I'm buying our house, I've started becoming social again, I've lost a lot of weight. Hell, I'm even picking up hobbies again. I am starting to get lonely again, the dating scene has been rough. I know it's been rough on you too. The last time I peeked at what you were up to, you were already with a different guy. I hope this time he's the one. We may not be in love with each other any more, but I'll always have love for you.

Thank you so much for everything. From the bottom of my heart.

Also, I really miss the dog.