It's been a full day since you broke off our friendship. And I feel like a mess. I'm miserable right now. This is way worse than her divorcing me.

That was an inevitability for I couldn't take her abuse any more. My friendship to you was so much more. Though I've known you for years, it's only been a few months that I'd gotten to know you properly. And in that time we shared so much.

I'm sorry that she has caused so much drama that it made you sick. But why punish me?

I try telling people she's toxic, but they don't listen. "How can someone so pretty be so evil?", they think. She's fun and games until you cross her. Then you find out she's already hurt you, you just didn't know it yet.

I reread our convos to see what I may have done to be included in this. But I've never said a cross word to you ever. When the dark was all around you, I checked in with you daily. When you said negative things about yourself, it was me who spoke up and told you how I saw you. Kind, smart, and beautiful.

None of this was for points. I truly care about you. I guess that's why I'm writing this here, respecting your wish to be left alone, instead of telling you these things.

I'd fight for our friendship, but I'll just end up making things worse.

Of course me being in love with you complicates things. How could I not? Sharing cigarettes and drinks, the late night texts, the night drives together through the back ways. The sleepovers where we'd talk all night until the sun was up and realize we needed sleep. Beer for breakfast in truckstop diners...

Wanting to help others to the point it hurts us. Is that what you did for me?

That first night we almost became... something else. I wish I was a little more courageous that night. One more push would have done it. A kiss.... I don't know if that would have made for an unstable relationship, but I guess we'll never know.

I know you pine for another. Another who won't let you close, just keep you as a fwb. Dangling hope in front of you like a carrot. I'd let you be so much more. I think that maybe it scares you. Someone like me who shows you that you have self worth.

Maybe in the next few days you'll text me. Maybe not. I'll never fail to answer you though. I'll always be here if you need me, just like I've always been. I can't not do it. It's like breathing.

I miss you so much.

I hope that you will find me and be my friend once again.