You both think you gave me a fantastic childhood, a wide range of hobbies to choose from, a lot of experiences and memories. Two christmas's and two birthdays a year. I don't think either of you realize the damage you caused me with the divorce. Getting married after I was conceived was the beginning, but getting divorced when I was 3-4 was just a huge issue.

I don't know who I am. I don't understand myself, because you didn't communicate enough. You didn't share enough parenting techniques, you were too dissimilar, to the point that I was one person at dad's, and a different at mom's.

I'm soft, which I'm ok with. I'm trans, which I'm ok with. Mom's ok with these, Dad's not though. He doesn't know. He has no idea of the acrylics I get filled every 3 weeks. He doesn't know that my entire wardrobe is either women's clothing or my t-shirts. He doesn't even know about the "manly" stuff I do, like own firearms, and go to the range. He doesn't (yet) know I want to disown him as my father. He gives me money for my birthday and christmas, and I'm selfish, so I don't cut him out entirely. He doesn't know that I want to be... that I am a woman at heart.

There's not much that Dad's ok with that Mom isn't.

I drink. Too much. Beer. Every day, 2 or 3, closer now to 3 or 4, maybe even 4 or 5. Cigarettes. I quit for a bit, but I'm back on them. I know I'm probably considered an alcoholic. I'd not be if weed didn't give me panic attacks. It does though, and I can't handle life sober. So instead I drink and keep myself awake.

Neither of you taught me properly about adulthood. Neither of you taught me how to love, to shave, to do my taxes, to get a job, to exist in adult life. That was all learned, and I'm doing a damn fine job of it finally.

Neither of you know about my true feelings though. Neither of you know that I hate who I am. I hate who you created. That I'm jealous of my siblings, all sisters. That I wish so strongly that you'd have just not. Just not had me.

You weren't ready. You both needed time, as was apparent by the fact that neither of you had another kid until I was nearly 10.

I moved states for one of you. I left a state because of one of you. Worst decision of my life. Everyone though I was on meth. I've never even seen meth, but depression made sure you all though I was doing hard drugs, and without drug test you wouldn't believe me. Depression you both caused.

I'm not happy where I am. I hate this place I live in. I hate the people I know. I miss my home. I miss my place.

Fuck you both.

Fuck you.

Now one of you is moving away from the place I moved to be closer to you. Fuck you even harder for that.

Fuck you both.

Sincerely,

Your "daughter"