because she is ill

she feels out of control

she hurts those who care about her

and pushes away all who do not share her blood

her blood which frequents the floor

she is sorry

she is hiding her stripes

she is lying about her stripes

she keeps her stripe makers with her medications

sometimes she goes dark

and it’s not your fault

because she is me

and she doesn’t want to hurt you

and she understands why you left

she doesn’t want more stripes

but she has turned into a tiger

because she doesn’t know how to get better

and she doesn’t want to lose what little stability she has worked to gain

to get better and stop drawing permanent stripes on herself, she would need to go away

but she can’t. she needs this stability. the stability of holding herself up

even if she is holding herself up with the stripes that she draws on her tiger body

i am sorry i am her