Dear now former best friend,

I have no words for the events that unfolded the other day, and I also don’t actually expect a reply, I suspect that the next time I hear from you weeks months and maybe even years will pass and you’ll be informing me of how great your life is without me, or you’ll be calling to ask me for assistance, advice, or to inform me that you’ve somehow landed yourself in trouble you can’t seem to manage yourself. Either way I can’t say for certain I’ll be there to answer the call. I would like a chance to provide and ask for closure as that is something rarely received in the throes of an ending relationship and as such here we go. I have loved you and routinely put your before even my own blood, your jealousy of lance was, and still is misplaced, as evidence I remind you that I flaked on me and lances meeting for you(once you made it known you wanted me to stay and it was important to you) as I again did this past weekend even at the violation of the boundary that is me having to be around your gf. I wanted to be your friend because you were great to me once, I’ve invested my whole being into helping and seeing you grow, and yes I’ve stepped away from time to time and even now don’t really understand your obsession with music, but I still support you and almost always (not always) let you play your music despite me not liking to hear many things more than a few times. You mentioned that I went through your phone, I do not recall any time recently or even in the last 4 years where I have gone through your phone or invaded your privacy at all, the reason for this is because if I needed to know about it you would tell me, or at least that’s what I believed. This violation of my trust goes coincidentally following your complaints about how your privacy is frequently infringed upon by your gf and your mother. I will apologize by how I addressed your pending assault case and your chosen management of your gf from your personal space, but I won’t relent how absolutely troubling it is that your entirely comfortable putting hands on them. Once upon a time I would never believe you could do such a thing and now I’m find my perception cloudy. And to address my trusting you, I’ve never given you reason to believe I don’t, despite you having given me many reason to not trust you including but not limited to, flagrant lies, gossiping, taking my vehicle and your own mothers without permission, using me credit card without permission, and even your own recollection and admission of only using me at points in time. Despite all of the previous I felt my journal housing my very personal thoughts were safe in your hands to which as proven in I the past I would let you read an excerpt if you had simply asked . I imagine that my respect for you should speak for itself but alas maybe it’s you doing the thing your gf does to you and diminishing how i actually treat you while glorifying the negative moments in which we reach conflict. And again I don’t expect you to read this but, I have not taken any legal actions against you, not for the money you claimed you’d pay back, not for when you swung and assaulted me, I’ve come running every single time you said you needed me and most times you simply wanted me, I protected your not secret (that I threatened to expose to get you to talk to me). I even fronted you when I refused to front anyone else. I even openly share my recreational substance with you as you gloat and brag about how you don’t have to pay for it, and how much better than your gf you are because she’d have to pay for her habit. You compare yourself to Lance and Steve, and I guess there’s a portion of you the idolizes them seen by how you seem to replicate there formula, but do know I think highly of there skills, there kindness (at times), and there personality traits that allow for them to be confident. I never looked up to there sponging off of there gfs, or unemployment, as you may remember I preach and live independence as I once tried to ingrain into you at an age where you seemed to need it. I’m sorry for the long winded wall text, but I figured you deserve some insight on the things that seemed to bother you so much that in influenced you to gleefully violate my privacy. And to that end I am dying to know, what is my true transgression, when have I been so outlandishly disrespectful, or uttered such crippling falsehood that I’ve earned the hate and the death threats? What moment did you decide that no matter what I ask or what boundary I set you were determined to violate without any care or regard to my feelings? What’s the true reason that you refuse to face me in genuine real honesty? Why did you grow to hate me so much no matter how many times I tried to help you, love you, uplift you, take care of you? Anyway I expect this to go unanswered maybe even a block who knows but regardless of what comes next. I hope your life is better without me in it. And I don’t apologize for all the moments that I’m going to be petite and childish and vindictive going forward because for me it’s the only cure for the pain of losing my best friend, i guess that’s a reach, we weren’t ever friends so let me rephrase, goodbye person who used me and threw me aside when faced with inconvenience of my autonomy.

With a great deal of hate and rage

Enyff