Time away sucks. I knew this would happen. Every day that passes that we don’t speak and we don’t interact the way we always have, it becomes easier and easier to not see you. It becomes easier not to miss you. And now you only exist In empty spaces where there’s nothing. No actions no words there’s just you reminding me you were once there. Every time some one speaks your name I’m reminded of your rejection your vilification of me, the abuse I happily allowed in the name of love and progress (you were supposed to get better, you were supposed to get kinder). How did I not hate you. I look back at these memories and they’ve become tainted by the whispers you thought I wouldn’t hear, the truths you’d never give me. I was a tool to be used, a ladder to be climbed no more than a resource and now I will forever bare that feeling, the burden, and the embarrassment of thinking you my equal, when you saw me as lesser. I want to see you tomorrow I want to fix this and put this fight, like many others, behind us. I want to go back to the smiles and the fun I want to go back to loving each other trusting each other, but how do you walk this back? How do you take this back. How do I un-hear the truth, how do I un-see that face. What do I do with all this sad rage? What did you do with yours. Why am I so conflicted who gets conflicted when face with evidence, what more will it take for me to just hate you. I want to hate you. I want to be the bad guy you make me feel like I want to be selfish and hatful but I still love you and hate myself for it.