(TLDR - I hate being a ux designer even after so many years of it and am looking for advice and/or my next move? I feel stuck.)

I'm a lead designer at a start-up. Its accounting software, not super unique, not a unicorn but its a job for now. I have a lot of experience working on business products and tools but I'm really hitting a crossroads and don't know what to do.

I'm pretty much miserable as a ux designer. I've never been in an org where I've had harmonious relationships or process. It's always felt like design is it's own island. Even after all my experience (10yrs) I still get treated like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or talking about. But yet organizations want to hire experienced designers. WTF?! What gives?? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills after learning "best practices" throughout my career only to have to throw them out the window when it comes down to working with product. I mean on my end if I'm working with someone who has x # of years with their skillset I'm all about trusting them and their expertise. I'm open to listening and learning. But I've never had the privilege of working with anyone who sees me in that light.

I've heard before it's all about increasing you debate skills and presentation skills so you can really sell your designs to stakeholders. Fuck that. After taking courses and reading books about talking about design and communicating with stakeholders I've still seen super senior design directors get shot down by product teams. From my experience you can't change company culture and that lies with the people driving the process.

And as a designer I'm so fucking sick of taking all this heat for nothing. Its always a giant blame game. Product blames dev and design and visa versa. WTF. If I keep my head down and just deliver designs then I'm not involved enough, and when I take the reigns, do good research, present a great user experience and workflow I get told I don't know what I'm talking about! I can never win. I never do win. I really don't know how I fit in as a ux designer and currently I'm not seeing how I'm effective at all at this company.

I really don't know what to do. If there's some other career I can segway into I'm all ears. Whatever it is though I don't want to do anything subjective. I'm fucking sick of arguing about shit. Fuck that.