Hi,

tldr: I always try to make my relatives happy by being there for them and buying them present (when I see fit). As a single person I have a lot of work (house, work and personal issues) which makes me less free like how people expect me to be involved with unrealistic expectation and anger. Cutting off a cousin who was a very close while growing up because he is into drama now. What would you do?

Context :

Me and my cousin are of the same age. We have been close for a long time. I would defend him on any occasion without thinking twice because I always believed he does not have any bad intention. Even if there are things that causes problems I don't like to outburst at people. Everyone are doing their best whether I like it or not. He was also among the least dramatic folks.

Fast forward, he is married and has a child. Lives on east coast of USA. I am temporarily living on the west coast of USA. Most people in the family oddly jealous that I got to visit US and make a decent living as I am from a lower middle class. I spend a large chunk of money to educate few kids from a small organization in India as it serves as a purpose to me. The rest savings expenditure. People think I am sitting on $1M but I am cheap. Plus they somehow think they get to demand for things. So lot of times when I don't gift extravagant stuffs people are unhappy.

Also I am dealing with a bunch of personal issues work issues. It drains me of all the energy. I don't share it with others. As a single person living, I also have to take care of everything at home. The small bit of time I get, I spend it with friends who care. I don't have time for drama and gossip (both emotional expenditure and time).

Drama:

My cousin calls me every other week to chat up. There is nothing new to share to be honest as he and I both have a mundane life. I don't really call anyone by habit. I call once in a while (say 3-6 months) if I have not heard from them on groups or mom to see whats happening. None of us have anything in common to chat up all the time as most are married. My cousin hates that I dont call him back as often but thats not the way I keep relationships. I am completely okay him not calling often because we both have nothing to talk about. Esp me. I do house chores, work and do small things for entertainment. Nothing new share tbh.

1. My cousin celebrated his son's birthday recently. Due to short notice, the flight tickets had shot up. I still wanted to make it. I spent $1000 to attend this birthday party because I wanted to be part of happy memories of my cousin's son. I have a dietary restriction which they are aware of and I had requested for any small meal if they can accommodate or I would cook at their place. They not only refused to accommodate it, when the restaurant from where food was ordered asked if we need any plates with dietary restriction they refused. All I had in the birthday party to eat was rice. I felt bad but I did not make a big deal because you don't go around complaining about everything. All relatives left the house after the party in a bad shape. I was emotionally withered from my own issues which was eating me up. On top, everyone in the house was severely sick other than me (cousin, his wife and his son). So I helped them out with some cleaning and cooking and left the next day. They gossiped and complained about me not staying at their place for 2 weeks after this. Also back handed compliments about the gift I gave etc..
2. My uncle, aunt and my other cousin (his brother) visited for cousin's graduation. At this point, there was already something brewing. I did not want to bring it up because I don't like drama. I spoke to my uncle - invited him home. My aunt was in the shower so I told my uncle to extend the invitation. I also messaged my other cousin who was here for longer duration to visit by checking cheap flights and I can accommodate 1 other person in my studio home if he decides to visit. Since both my cousin and his wife are studying doctors, they don't get an off. I wanted to take my younger cousin out. For this they started a gossip - "she is so arrogant that she did not call the mother. She thinks she is supreme. Dont have manners to call us home" etc...
3. My mom is visiting me. Her return flight is in a state closer to my cousins state. I am taking a day off along with the weekend to drop her. There is not enough time to visit my cousin as I need to drive 4 hours each way and have to fly back the next morning and be ready to work from morning itself. I however asked him to send his mother and other cousin to the state if they are available and I would show them around since my cousin is busy with studying and baby duties. Instead of appreciating the invite, he started yelling at me that I did not care to show up at his place and it is my fault for doing this etc. Plethora of other non-sense where he was trying to assign blame somehow. There was no way I could not visited him without burning myself out in the process and spending a lot of money. Instead of understanding, he started picking up on small things as if it is my problem. I tried to solve the issue constructively but he started speaking more rudely. So I told him that I cannot find a middle ground when people are trying to assign blame and stopped the chat.

Conclusion :

I do everything to keep people happy yet these relatives are thankless pos. They have issues with everything. It is as if they want to find issues to create drama and cause tension. I don't get it. Why cant people have some patience and try to understand the other person's problem? My brother does not keep up with anyone. Does not buy gifts for anyone yet no one cares. They gossip about him too but not to the extent I am scrutinized. I am happy for him but I dislike that I get dragged around like this. I have decided to cut off these relatives. What would you do ?