Sorry, this is going to be long.

For context, I live in Canada, I moved here from South Asia a little over five years ago. I’m 32, I’m also a queer woman from a muslim family. Dad is not alive. I lived away from family for my studies from the age of 19. At 25, considering the costs and everything, I encouraged my fam to move to the city I was living in to save on rent, living costs and to also enable my siblings have better career opportunities as they were moving from a small to a metro city.

At 28, I immigrated to Canada and encouraged my siblings to apply for immigration too. Literally saved my brother from wasting probably his only chance at getting an invitation to apply for permanent residence in Canada. He’s been here 3 years now in a different city, we meet once every year or so, all’s good. Two younger sisters also are trying, one of them recently got an invite to apply for her PR.

I’ve personally always wanted to settle in the US, and so earlier this year when I got my Canadian passport after waiting 2 years to get my citizenship application complete, I knew I could finally start looking for jobs south of the border.

But ever since this has happened and especially after my sister got her invite, my brother has been outright telling me to delay my plans for US, ro stay back in Toronto, help our fam settle WHEN they come (note it isn’t certain when they’d be able to move permanently). I feel pressured because I haven’t even gotten any success at getting a desired job in the US yet, and it’s not like this is something I’ve suddenly decided to do, I’ve been planning this for over two years now!

On telling him our fam could possibly live in his city too and it would make sense especially because it’s cheaper too. And he told me our sister (who got her PR) thinks I (me) would consider it a “burden” if they moved to my city because the expectation would be to live with them.

I spoke to my sister whether she’d said something like that and while she mentioned she’s conscious of it, it’s a nice thing to not feel like a burden on anyone let alone siblings like that. On telling her if I could be out to our mother, and live my life my way (being a queer woman, drinking, who has a cat-my fam don’t like cats), she said she had an idea I won’t be “comfortable” living with them and that maybe I should move to the US before they move to Canada.

I feel so pressured and guilt-tripped! Am I being too sensitive here, and having too rigid boundaries?