I told my husband that I wanted (needed) to go to the rally in our town tonight after work. He asked if I wanted him to come with me, and I told him that my best friend was going and I needed to think about it. I've been emotionally raw and devastated all day. He said he supported the cause, and I told him that I really appreciated it, but felt like I just needed to be around women.

He doesn't understand, thinks I don't want him there because he's male, and that it's fucked up that I'm basically telling him I don't want him to support feminism or women's rights. Now I feel like I'm stuck doing all of the emotional labor of explaining why his words make me feel totally unsupported, in a way that will be least likely to upset him further, and using "I language" and all that to try to hold his hand into understanding it's not ABOUT him.

I don't want to think about his feelings while I'm trying to find comfort and solidarity in other women who are feeling what I'm feeling. I don't want to try to explain, I just want to be with other people who already know. While I would love our sons to attend a protest, today I need to not be mothering when I am just trying to hold it together and find meaning in gathering to mourn.

I'm just feeling so frustrated and defeated about... well, about being a woman I guess. About the whole thing, about America, about humanity, about what comes next. And about how in the middle of it all, I'm still feeling responsible for managing a man's feelings.