I'm a 37 year old polyamorous bisexual trans woman. It's all relavent. I have ben living full-time as a woman since October 2019. I started dating men for the first time in 2020. Honestly, it has been a shit show.

My first kiss from a guy was non-consensual. First guy that touched my privates did it without consent and then shoved me away in disgust. My first time performing oral sex on a man was coerced while I was in an incredibly emotionally vulnerable state. This was all in one night. Since then it has been a mixed bag of disappointment and trauma. Still, I am very attracted to men and desperately want to finally have a loving relationship with a man.

Lately though, I'm finding it almost impossible to open up to any man. To the point that the thought of a man loving me makes me angry or terrified. I don't have this problem with women at all. I have two girlfriends that I love dearly. I don't know what to do about this. I don't want to never be able to trust half of humanity ever again. I feel like it's crazy to get so upset by the thought of a man loving me.

Have y'all struggled with feelings like this before? How did you handle it?