My wife and I have a set of friends who are a married couple. We both have kids at the same age who go to school together and that is how we met (this matters as well). My wife and I like the wife much more than the husband - she is nice and a decent person.

Their relationship is not a very good one. He constantly calls her stupid and similar names, constantly tells her she is good at nothing, can do nothing correctly - things along these lines. He does NOT physically do anything, this is entirely mental and verbal. The wife does see a problem with how he treats her, but not enough to actually do anything other than complain once in a while about it. To which he will tell her she is overreacting, or he wouldn't say these things if they weren't so true. She babies him, insofar as to making his plates for dinner and cutting up his food for him.

My wife and I wouldn't normally get involved at all, and have not so far, as we believe your life is your life, your marriage is your marriage. He isn't beating her and does not mistreat the child in any fashion. We are, however, concerned that their relationship is only getting worse as far as the verbal and mental abuse go, and we believe it has just been going on so long that the wife finds it normal at this point.

She has tried seeing a counselor and she has no flat out stated why she does not see one any more, but we believe the husband may have made her stop. The counselor was working with her on confronting her husband when he says and does things this, and she then stopped seeing him shortly thereafter.

So anyway, here is my question. How do we help her wake up to the fact that she really is in a borderline abusive relationship, if not a full blown relationship? We do not want to flat out tell her this and have her tell her husband we said it and have him at our door step. We would prefer to stay friends with her and the child. And if they can work through it, great for them. He has said on many occasions that he has no plans on changing anything about him (to his wife) so I don't really see that happening.

Came here hoping to find some insight and suggestions on making the wife realize it and actually do something about it. I am not looking to be berated for being a terrible person for not interfering, or being told to go to the cops. Hoping to find anyone who was in a bad relationship and woke up to it - what happened? Or someone who has had friends dealing with it, or just general suggestions.

Thank you all for your time and help, if you need to know more (non personal or overly specific) just ask, I have no clue what information is really important here, so I just wrote the basics.