He had given her $1500 since November. I confronted her over Facebook and she said he told her he was single. The thing is I don't believe she was the first one. We had separate checking accounts, which is how we both liked it. I don't care that he had someone on the side. It's the money and the hypocrisy that bother me.

We had discussed becoming ethically non-monogamous, truthfully I wasn't happy for years. He was verbally abusive, gaslit a lot, and hit me four times in the last 24 years. I wanted to experience life but not leave my partner. I still saw him as my rock. Yeah, I should've left, but I didn't.

He made me feel terrible for wanting to have an ENM relationship. I just wanted to feel something positive.

So I'm stuck in a state of grief and anger. Part of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry and the other part of me wants to poop in his ashes when I get them back.

Update: Thank you everyone for your kind words. Despite everything he really was my rock and I have been trying to focus on the positive. But with this new information and the other half of the relationship, it's helping me not to romanticize his memory, which should help me move on eventually. And, no, I'm not going to poop in his urn. That was hyperbole.