Edit 2: Thank you SO much again everyone. Seriously. I wish I could go through and respond to every single comment, but was not prepared for how much this would blow up. Y'all are angels!

Edit: Thank you everyone SO much for the outpouring of support. Seriously. I was not in a good headspace when I posted this, am not one who likes to share my feelings, and I rarely ever cry so posting this was embarrassing lol and totally out of my comfort zone but I'm blown away by the kindness. It feels so embarrassing to realize how much I've let this affect me. I'm so grateful for you all. This is such an amazing community. Thank you. Y'all are right. These men are not worth my time or effort and I'm going to reserve those things for me and people I care about. That is my commitment to myself from here on out.

For 4 years now, I've become known as the redditor who has shared countless domestic and sexual violence resources with countless abuse victims and survivors and helped many of them out of abusive relationships. Even now years later, I still receive messages from strangers telling me I saved their life.

I say all this not to brag, but to emphasize how long I have been on reddit and how deeply involved I have been as context for what I am going to share next.

I started using Reddit during the pandemic as a way to handle boredom and isolation and simply have some fun. It soon became much more than that. I was working in the domestic violence field at the time and began to notice how many redditors were stuck in abusive relationships. So I put my knowledge and skills to good use, and 4 years later here we are.

But while these past 4 years should have been a source of joy, relief, and reward for me knowing how many lives I've supported and even saved, instead it's become a source of immense pain.

I've been in therapy for 10 years now to deal with repeated rapes from a former partner. I've never cried in therapy, even when detailing each rape. Today, however, I cried on the way home from work after posting on reddit. I cried because in another sub, I pointed out the existence of gender bias in that sub and was told to "make a sandwich" in response. I was called an idiot, lambasted, mocked, massively downvoted, and every single shred of evidence I provided for my assertion was dismissed.

I cried because I've faced far, far worse than this every single day as a woman on reddit. And this was the last straw. That sandwich comment represented 4 years of vile misogyny, and today I'd had enough.

I cried because I knew I am not the woman I once was. I used to be able to deal with exposure to information about the most horrendous, vile, violent things men have done to women without flinching.

Now, I am so reactive that every single remark from a man on reddit plunges me into deep anger and frustration. My tolerance for hearing about and experiencing misogyny is gone. I used to be able to shove it away and move on. Now, it affects me so acutely it has altered how I see myself as a person.

I now constantly second-guess my opinions, my expertise, my rationale, and my judgment. I re-read my comments multiple times when a man mocks me and degrades me to see if maybe he was right to do so. I've lost confident in my expertise in the very field I work in. I even ask myself if men have a right to call me gendered slurs.

I cried because I cannot go a week on reddit without a man harassing me, insulting my intelligence, threatening me with rape and/or death, and making me feel like the smallest person on earth.

I cried because I know a man will find this post and mock me for it, and use it as evidence of the "hysterical woman" trope. I cried because men on reddit hate me not only for mentioning misogyny, but also for telling them they don't have a right to treat me like nothing.

I cried because in that comment I made in another sub about gender bias, not a single man who responded to me could produce evidence proving me wrong. But with every name and sarcastic remark, they proved me right.

I cried because the last threat I received on reddit was from a man who said I deserved to be st-rangled to death and have my jaw slowly broken.

Because misogyny is becoming more and more powerful on reddit. Because men still deny my basic right to exist. Because women on this site have to have countless alt accounts to protect themselves. Because any shred of evidence that you're a woman presents immediate danger to your safety.

I cried because the vast majority of men on this massive website will never see me as human.

I cried because I never used to care about that, and now I do.

Because so many men on reddit hate me so thoroughly and so intensely that sometimes it's hard to remember this myself, I need to remind myself: I deserve to exist. I have a right to take up space. I am powerful, strong, and loving. I am intelligent, kind, and resourceful. I deserve to be here.

I do not want reminders that I can take a break. I don't want urges for me to leave reddit. I want simply to be heard.