my partner and i are sexless while he works through trauma. hes one of the few people i enjoyed sex with, but im otherwise demisexual. before we met, i used sex to keep guys around and to validate myself, which is really not healthy and ngl i hated sex even then, but convinced myself i liked it because i got guys to stick around.

after we shut down intimacy, i was hurt and kept asking what i did wrong, because a primary form of validation prior to us getting together that i received was sex. we are now polyamorous and i have had sex with 2 people which made me realise just how much i hate sex and how much comfort i find in my primary partner and i’s celibacy with one another. the issue is, occasionally i will get upset at the no sex part, not because i want sex but because i feel undesired.

how do i overcome this? should i tell him about it? anyone experienced this before?