I (24F) was a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship with a controlling (M) ex who drove a wedge between me and my best friend of 8 years? My old best friend from HS told me he doesn't me to contact him ever again after trying to make amends when i didn't believe him when he tried to warn me (cause i was young and naive being 21 and im 24 now).

He's doing better now with him going to the gym now, prolly has a beautiful gf. I've been crying heavily these past few days, and having so much guilt, sadness and anger at myself. He was my only friend, and the only guy I really felt comfy in letting in my life, as we used to play games together and sleepovers in high school. I struggled making guy friends in uni .

My narcissistic parents tell me "I have no one who loves me but them", while my mum shit talks me to her co-workers and they're agreeable with her, my dad being an enabler... telling him I wish he was never my dad.

I just hate my life where I hate being in uni, the decision I made to not believe my best friend, and people avoid me like the plague where guys treat me with indifference and I don't get invited to other girlie groups

How can i make friends when those 8 years I spent with a friend are now all gone? A friend who's in similar life stages and is very kind, and empathetic. Where I don't get patronising looks, sympathies or remarks from people telling me to just stay content. I just want a friend who completely understands me, and over time I can call them my best friend. Is that so hard??? What makes me so unlikeable and unworthy of a friendship? Because of what I went through, and I shouldn't have to feel like I'm shouting on the rooftop of a building???