Background: I met this guy right after I got out of my abusive marriage. We were on and off friends for the past 2.5 years. I have done extensive therapy and work on myself during this time.

So this guy J 31M reaches out to me 29F and asks me on a date. I said yes and it was going well for the past few weeks. I was apprehensive about him and had several conversations about it with my aunt and 2 close friends. I just had a feeling that I still can’t place. Well que to yesterday we had plans for me to come over to his house and watch a movie. Well we were having trouble picking the movie. He suggests a DiCaprio movie, which I decline saying that I don’t support his work. He presses me an answer and I tell him I don’t support him because he preys on barely legal girls. So this guy J gets super upset and defensive. He starts saying that it’s typical for men to go after young girls like that. I asked him why he isn’t going for young girls and he deflected my question by asking why I’m not with a 35 year old (like that’s the same comparison) to which I responded “I haven’t found one, Is that why you’re not with an 18 year old because you haven’t found one” he didn’t like my response and told me that just because I was naive at 18 didn’t mean that ever girl that age is naive, he grew up early and I said I did too, he said no you didn’t I said yes I did you wouldn’t understand how I had to grow up early. He went ballistic on me. He started yelling so loud and made a comment about me leaving. He said I can leave if I can’t handle a disagreement. I just sat there as J screamed at me telling me about how he paid for his house cash and got himself to where he was because he’s done everything for himself. I let him scream for a while while I just stared and blinked at him, shocked really. I asked him if he was done? Not really even know what to say if he was done and his response was “no I’m not because anything you say is irrelevant. You come into my house…” I stood up grabbed my couple of things and headed for the door. J said “are you leaving” “YUP” and he said don’t forget this and threw something black towards me. I didn’t know what it was but I kept going for the door. He’s now yelling “if you leave, don’t come back”. I kept walking to my car and he’s coming after me “don’t forget this!” I get in my car and lock the door and start taking deep breathes. He comes to the passenger window and shows me my hair tie and says “don’t forget this!” I brush off with my hand and J throws the hair tie and says “if you leave don’t come back.” And walks away. I thought about it for a couple of minutes and left. He blocked me off socials which was great because I was going to do that and sent him a final text message before blocking him. Telling him he needs to learn how to manage his anger and that in my house there’s no asshole who yells at me thinking that will resolve a disagreement, no one to make me feel small and no one to make me feel unwelcome without a voice. Then told him to have a good life and blocked him.

And this is why we need to trust our gut feelings. I’m glad I worked through my trauma otherwise I would have reverted back to my placating techniques in the past. I’m sad but I’m also happy to see I’ve come a long way and am making healthier choices.