A little background. I am Demi-sexual and quite overweight, I’m very insecure and have a hard time trusting people’s personal perception of me. It takes a lot for me to feel comfortable enough with a person to get into a relationship and as such, I typically view sex as a relationship only activity, personally. As a result of this, I haven’t been in a relationship for the past 7 years, by choice, and have been sexless as well. I’m not on birth control or have protection readily accessible in my apartment. I did something completely outside of my comfort zone and beyond what I believed to be my own capabilities, as I’ve always viewed casual sex as not something for me, linked to personal reasons and tied to insecurities.

This past Saturday, I (naïvely) invited someone over to my apartment to smoke with, one thing lead to another, and we ended up having sex, after purchasing protection. I have been at odds with myself since. I truly have no idea how to feel about what I’ve done. I enjoyed myself but there is this nagging in the back of my mind that I cannot for the life of me decipher. On one hand, I’m okay with having this be a one time thing and moving on with my life. On the other hand, I feel this need to take back control and not have this situation be a one time occurrence and I feel the urge to make it a fwb or reoccurring events, just so I can maintain my “stance” of not participating in casual sex.

I’m so conflicted with myself and am hoping I can get some words or advice to calm my mind thunder down. Has anyone been in my shoes before?