I have an ex partner who last year begged for a second chance april 2022. He did some really horrible things prior to that..

I said we could do that if he showed consistent respect love, care for my well being, acts repair for past abuse, general healthfulness and looking out for each other, specific acts of love that he could choose to express for either of our love lamguage. He agreed

He then proceeded to complain about lack of sexual activity, to which i would always ask if he was doing the above. He would always say no but that I was not giving him credit for things such as not cheating on me and not hitting me. I responded that this was below minimum requirements. He said he disagreed.

Anyways this has gone on and off for a year. He would ask me on date, cancel the date when he found I wasn't going to commit to a sexual activity that I already explained in the past was painful for me and he said i was withholding from him. He went on a 30 day break where he told me that he definitely wasn't planning to marry me but that I needed to be sexually available for him. I told him I'm not sexually available for men who don't want to marry me and you haven't even apologized. He would then say he didn't need to apologize, that I had to let it go, and that I was being retributive.

A few random promises he made became battlegrounds. I old him he needed to be consistently proactive and not just claim lack of extreme abuse as an act of love. He agreed. We did a test project where he agreed to do some research I needed april 2022. He has yet to do it, even though he supposedly works on it daily and promises to send it to me daily, and because of this research, it is soooo stressful and I am sooooo hostile for not understanding he has a full time job and has to drive to work and eat and sleep and that if I loved him I wouldn't treat him this way. He told me, mind you, that it was ready to send summer 2022. Mind you I did trust him that summer but what he doesn't seem to understand that becausei trusted him, I relied on him, and now he says requesting it from him shows i am being retributive or hostile. In fact, the act of asking what commitments he has followed through on is an invasive question, according to him

I then asked him if he felt he had been proactively consistently loving me, he said yes. I asked what acts of love he has shown and he told me this question made him want to take ANOTHER break.

I know he is emotionally abusive. I guess my question is, does he really think not cheating, not hitting, and demanding sex daily but not doing any acts of love and trust building (such as saying he won't marry me, or joking about raping my dead body--saying I overreacted because we were talking about consent and he was saying well if you're dead then I can do it without any acts of love)....like why are people this way?

In the past I was told I don't commit and that is why I didn't have a long term relationship. My previous boyfriends were both abusive and I left within three months (first one raped me second one tried to steal my mother's money and said I should trust him with it if I loved him and also tried to have sex without a condom). So this third guy I tried to communicate clearly and tried to commit because I was ready for marriage because my family was saying i waant considering my partners feelings. But since then I have talked to many men and it seems like so many of them are blatantly abusive and disrespectful

One guy told me he didnt want to talk about splitting housework because it shouldnt matter as long as you are a good person.

Another guy said he doesn't care about what his partner thinks, humans are useless, he only lives for himself and loves animals.

Another guy told me that he didn't mind doing X activity because it was legal but he recognized it was harmful to others so if it became illegal he would stop doing it. (Actually so many people are like this in the business world that it's horrifying, don't even need to get into dating)

Why are so many men's baselines for human decency so low that it's literally in hell?

Don't even get me started on men claiming about how they're good people and then later they admit the saw or heard their friend doing something harmful to a woman (cheating on her, coming on to a minor, even just basic secual degradatiin supposed locker room talk etc) but theyre going to mind their own business because they dont want to get involved or speak out.