Let me preface this by saying I (F22) am very comfortable with myself as an independent woman. I love doing activities by myself (art galleries, movies, trail walking, nice lunches, and more) and enjoying my own company. I also have a really strong group of girlfriends that I connect with regularly and I have hobbies that I enjoy. Point being- I get that it’s important to love yourself and that a partner is a want not a need. But sometimes I wish I had someone to love intimately, share parts of my life with, and grow with. I’ve read so many posts with single women suggesting all the things I do to fill the “relationship void” but nothing about how you can do all the things (self dates, therapy, working, friendships) and still feel really alone or what to do with those lonely feelings.

Obviously not all men can be horrible but the majority of men I encounter in my PERSONAL experiences either a) don’t want to build anything committed and meaningful (which is fine, not everyone wants the same kind of relationship and I don’t fault them for it) b) they’re bigoted towards queer and trans ppl OR make subtle (and sometimes blatant) racist and sexist remarks even tho I’m very obviously a dark skinned woman (dealbreaker for me; I can’t be with someone that spews hate or disdain towards people just bc they look different or make different choices than them) c) we just aren’t compatible enough in terms of personal interests and life goals (especially since I know I don’t want children and many young men are either on the fence or know for sure that they want them).

I’ve had some brief relationships in the past with men I met organically and thru online dating but all the people fell into one or more of the above categories. I know it there’s no such thing as a perfect man or human being but I don’t think my expectations are ridiculous. It shouldn’t be crazy to want someone who isn’t a hateful being and shares some personal values and goals. Those are the basic benchmarks of any decent relationship in my opinion yet sometimes it feels like I’m wanting a man that doesn’t exist.

How do I cope with knowing a romantic relationship is probably just not in the cards for me?