I've made a few posts on this sub recently, all of which start with an apology for venting. Sorry for using this sub as a therapist but it really helps to release the frustration!

I work in the creative department of a well respected marketing agency, developing and pitching ideas for ads and campaigns, and most of the time I love my work.

We recently pitched to a well-known financial institution, and it won't surprise you that we were presenting to a room of middle-aged white men. While diversity and inclusion is a massive consideration in most firm's advertising, some have yet to practice what they preach, but generally I've not had any major issues working with this demographic before.

We arrived early and were waiting for our meeting in the lobby, and client's marketing lead came over to have a chat. I've worked with him for awhile so know him pretty well, and after exchanging small talk he pulled me aside and said he had some advice for me ahead of the meeting.

From his body language I could tell he was slightly hesitant about what he was about to say. At first he wasn't really making sense. He was trying to be very subtle, but my blank expression clearly made him think he needed to be a little more direct, so he just came out with, "I think it would really help you if you showed some vulnerability in this meeting."

I genuinely didn't have a clue what he meant at this stage. He continued by saying something along the lines of, "the guys you're pitching to aren't necessarily used to being advised by younger women, and your demeanour might not be conducive to them taking your ideas onboard."

I was absolutely stunned. I replied that I still wasn't following him, mainly to give myself a little more thinking time. He gave another vague attempt at subtly getting his point across, but the translation of what he was trying to say was, 'the fact that you're a confident women makes these men less likely to want to adopt the ideas you've worked on, even if those ideas will directly benefit them. If you come across as a bit ditzy and vulnerable they won't feel so intimidated and will probably buy your ideas.'

I could tell he was embarrassed to be giving this advice, and I believe he genuinely felt that he was doing me a favour. And the sad part is he was probably correct. The pitch went well but the guys we presented to reeked of arrogance and privilege, and one guy asked a particularly douchebaggy question at the end, which he directed to "the lady of the team", which was clearly an attempt to rattle me and show dominance.

I've been thinking about what to do next, and sadly I think the best course of action is to move on. I know the agency won't risk losing this business by complaining about the client's actions, and even if they did complain these men won't change, if anything it would make them feel more powerful. But I feel a strong duty to stand up for my gender, but on the flip side should I have to risk my career in an attempt to change these men's toxic behaviour?

I'm going to discuss it with my boss next week who I trust implicitly, but I think the best solution is to try to be good at what I do and show men like this what women can contribute if they take us seriously. And no, I'm not going to pretend to be vulnerable.