This is the community I feel safest opening up to without fear of judgement so I hope this is appropriate content.

I've always felt most comfortable in a relationship, and I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I thought I had found that person, but our long-term relationship came to an amicable end last year.

Since then I've taken my time to move on and understand what I'm looking for. Shared values and personality traits are the most important things for me, and everything else, including sex, takes a backseat. Don't get me wrong, sex is an important part of a relationship, but my needs are fairly standard so I feel like I should be sexually compatible with most partners who share my values.

Towards the back end of last year I ended up in a FWB situation with a much more sexually liberated partner. He introduced me to things I previously assumed I wouldn't be into. It was a short but eye opening experience! I've always viewed sex as a physical act, but my friend introduced me to the concept of dom/sub dynamics, which unlocked a whole new mental side of sexual excitement for me.

After we stopped seeing each other I had this feeling that I needed to explore this, but coupled with a contrary feeling that this is a door I might not want to open. I've since done a lot of reading around what it means to be sexually submissive, as well as sexting/roleplaying with a few partners to try and understand where this feeling is coming from. I'm now pretty certain this is something I'm into, and my sexual needs are becoming a more important factor in my life.

My worry is if I don't properly explore this I'll forever have this feeling of regret. But exploring it feels like it might have an impact on my desire to settle down with someone.

To use a crude ice cream analogy, it's like I've been eating vanilla, and because that's all I've known I've been happy with it and thought I was eating the best ice cream available. But now I've been introduced to a few other flavours, and it's blown my mind! And now I think I might enjoy mint chocolate chip with sprinkles, sauce and a sparkler on top, but if I try it will I ever be satisfied with vanilla again?

If I explore this and sex becomes a bigger priority for me my worry is I find someone who is perfect for me, but we're not sexually compatible, so I either have to settle for being sexually unfulfilled with them, or move on. And it's hard enough to find someone I'm compatible with on a personal level, so adding some niche sexual desires to the compatibility list just makes that search even harder.

So my dilemma is do I ignore this urge to explore or not? If I just ignore it maybe I won't miss what I don't know?

I'm not necessarily looking for someone to tell me what I should do (although I'm always open to advice). What I'd love is to hear if anyone else has had this kind of awakening experience, and how you dealt with it? How far did you pursue it? Did it change who you are and what your values are, for better or for worse?