Hi! I’ve been listening to two hot takes since about 2022, it’s one of the only podcasts I listen to consistently! I’ve never had any situation to write in about until now, so here goes!

I (F21) have two friends, Sally (f25) and Rose (F24). They have been two of my best friends for a few years now.

About a week ago, I went camping with Rose, her bf, and a big group of people. While on the trip Rose noticed that I had hair on my legs. She questioned me, asking if I shave my legs. I told her that no, I don’t. I don’t like shaving and as a full time student and single person I don’t feel the need to shave my legs. She questioned me a bit more about it, and then said that her bf does not like body hair. I just said, “okay”, because I don’t really see what that has to do with me. She then said to her bf, “ Jake! Look at OPs legs! She doesn’t shave them!”. He said “oh of course she doesn’t, she’s from ——“. For context, I’m from a small town that is known for surfing and people living a “hippie” lifestyle.

The rest of the weekend went great, we all had a great time. Rose brought up my leg hair again at some point, but I don’t really remember what she said, since I don’t care about shaving my legs.

When I got home, I talked to another friend of mine and told her about Rose’s comments, because I thought it was strange she seemed to care so much. A few days pass and I forget about the whole situation. I end up meeting with Rose and her bf to go on a run. I am a runner and so is Jake. Rose isn’t but she went to use the nearby gym while Jake and I ran the track. Rose brought up my body hair again while we were together. I just patiently explained to her again that I don’t like to shave, and I don’t see any reason to do it.

Then yesterday in the group chat between Sally, Rose, and I, I sent a photo of myself at my waxing appointment. I was getting my bikini area and armpits waxed, which I do once a month. Because like I said, I don’t like shaving.

Sally responded and said I should do my legs. I told her no. She asked why, and I said something like “I don’t really know why guys care so much about my leg hair. I don’t care about my leg hair, and I don’t care what other people think of me, so why would I spend time and money on something I don’t care about”.

Sally then responded, (word for word) “no one is forcing you to do anything boo. It’s just not cute.” I found that comment to be really rude, I would never tell them what to do with their bodies or judge them. I replied and said, “that’s a pretty rude thing to say.” Sally opened this and never responded.

Now, today, I was talking to Sally and Rose in our group chat about a guy I have seen a few times. They were weighing in on a conversation I had with him. Then, Rose sends a huge message to the group.

She says, “and I do agree with Sally about the hairy legs thing like if you’re wanting to impress a man I would definitely shave otherwise you should look for a my hometown man not a soccer player. Woman have body hair but I feel like the guys u go for probably care about stuff like that. I know it’s not very feminist of me to say but I do think those guys care about stuff like that. Love u and u do u but just trynna help. A lot of men like girls that look put together and take care of themselves just like how we care about men’s looks, hygiene etc.”.

I was astounded by this. It was not at all related to what we were talking about, and I just couldn’t believe what I had read. I kept my cool and said that I have good hygiene and that I understand they have a preference for shaved legs however I do not have that preference.

Sally asked if this was new because I definitely shaved a few months ago. I told her I used to shave more when I was working as a server (which was like 10 months ago). Sally then said that shaving is good for running, and sent a screenshot of a google search that said shaved legs can help runners increase their speed by a few seconds. I said that doesn’t matter to me, I’m not an Olympian, I do long distance running for pleasure. Sally paraphrased what Rose said, and told me that most dudes would not like my unshaven legs and that it is off putting. I told her that I understand, but I think it’s shallow and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is that superficial. And shouldn’t someone like me, for me?

Sally and I continued to go back and forth, she said it’s poor hygiene and she wouldn’t date someone with a lot of hair. I said that I don’t care about body hair, that I would never tell someone what to do with their body, and it’s been scientifically proven over and over that shaving or not shaving has no influence on hygiene.

Sally went on to try and prove her point about it being unhygienic, said that she wants me to shave my legs, and that she thinks I would have more success with dating in this town because the men here are all used to society’s norms. At this point I was feeling really upset, and didn’t want to argue with her anymore so I just said, “thank you for your input. I’ll take that into consideration.”

At that point Rose started typing but I haven’t looked at the group chat since then. I talked to two of my other friends and they agree with me and say I should do whatever I want with my body, and that it doesn’t matter. The way I look at it, everyone has preferences, and I don’t think I should have to change myself to try and make someone like me. I am who I am. I also don’t think I should have to explain myself to my friends about why I do or do not shave my legs. The whole situation feels ridiculous to me, and I am going to be taking space from Sally and Rose.

Am I wrong here? Is what Sally and Rose saying true, and I should start shaving because that’s what is socially acceptable? I’m questioning the whole friendship with both of them because this is not the first time they have put me down or made me feel inferior. TIA for any advice!